Why Weekly Syncs Are a Key to a Stronger Relationship
If you’re feeling like life is a little hectic and you and your partner are having a hard time staying on the same page with schedules and to-do’s, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle to find time to align amidst the busyness of life. This is where weekly check-ins—or what I like to call "Saturday Syncs"—come in.
Weekly check-ins, inspired by Dr. John Gottman's "State of the Union" meetings, are a research-backed way to ensure couples stay connected. These syncs are dedicated times to discuss big questions, manage to-do’s, and much more. Gottman’s research over decades has shown that couples who regularly communicate about their relationship fare better long-term than those who let issues fester. In fact, his studies indicate that these check-ins can reduce conflict and deepen emotional intimacy.
As an added bonus, the more we know about what we can expect from our partners and the week as a whole, the less anxiety we tend to feel.
My Weekly Sync Model
Start With The Benefit
Why are you engaging in this weekly meeting? Simply put, to try to keep most of the logistics of household management in one space. So there isn’t a constant stream of logistics and questions all week. This also is a dedicated time to have some of the bigger conversations that don’t always go over well when asked at the wrong time — like right before bed.
Set Aside Time
Schedule your sync for Friday night or Saturday morning—whatever works best for your household. Send out a repeating calendar invite to make sure it happens. Choose a time when both of you are rested, fed, and emotionally regulated. Starting this meeting when you're both drained after a long day of work or trying to squeeze it in before family comes over won’t lead to a productive conversation.
In my relationship, we prefer to do this meeting first thing on Saturday morning over coffee.
Come Prepared
The purpose of this sync is to get things done, so come ready to listen and contribute. Bring a laptop and individual and/or family calendars to work with. Coming prepared with questions you’d like answered or to-do’s you want to discuss helps this go more smoothly.
In our relationship, we keep our personal day-to-day calendars separate on our phones but also use a yearly wall calendar to track vacations and visitors. This larger visual helps us ensure we don’t have too many busy weekends back to back and gives us a better sense of the year’s overall flow.
Celebrate Wins
Start the conversation by sharing something that went well this week. This sets a positive tone, just like Gottman’s suggestion to express appreciation at the start of any relationship check-in. “Hey babe, I wanted to say thank you for xyz this week.”
Since our brains are wired to notice negative feedback more than positive, it is important we infuse our relationships with extra positivity. Many couples I work with, especially the men, feel like they only hear what they “aren’t doing right” instead of what they are. Take a moment to reflect back to each other something you noticed that went well this week.
Plan the Weekend
If you have kids, this one is especially important. What does the weekend look like for each of you? Discuss any events, free time, or activities. Setting expectations for how time will be spent—and where there may be opportunities for each partner to have a break—can go a long way in reducing friction over childcare and couples time. This is key when trying to balance your personal needs with other obligations.
For my husband and I, he usually takes a few hours Sunday morning to engage in a solo activity (disc-golf) while I have Sunday evenings to go to a yoga class. During our daughters nap-time on Saturday is when we try to knock things off our individual to-do lists and the rest the weekend is a mix of family time and/or rest time. This predictable and agreed upon pattern helps us avoid arguments and reduces anxiety around “when can I get this done” and “I’m feeling like I never get a break.”
Look Ahead to Next Week
Pull out your calendars and align your schedules for the week ahead. Are there work commitments, appointments, or travel plans? Certain nights you’ll be having dinner together and others that someone will be solo? Add these details to your calendar or make a note, that way you don’t end up having to say, “Where are you?” when they already told you they had a happy hour at work on Thursday.
Discuss Upcoming Plans, Big Decisions, and Lingering Questions
If there are any large purchases, family matters, or decisions that need joint input, this is the time to address them. Keep it focused and productive, following Gottman’s rule of using “soft startups” when discussing sensitive topics (Gottman Institute).
Is your partner’s mother coming into town later in the month and you guys need to decide where to take her to dinner? Is there travel that needs to be booked for the holidays? Have you been meaning to discuss a budget issue but haven’t found the time? Did you say you’d think about something but never got back to your partner with an answer? Now is the time.
Tip: Keep a running list of these types of questions that come up throughout the week and if they aren’t urgent, table them for this discussion. This helps stop the random “Hey where should we stay for the wedding next month?” in the middle of a movie.
Review To-Do Lists
Use a tool like Trello (above) with three lists—“My List,” “My Partner’s List,” and “Things We Need to Do Together.” This helps you prioritize tasks and stay organized. Review what things you have on your to-do list and make asks of your partner if there are things you need them to do. “Hey, have you completed that Disability Insurance paperwork for Randy?" “Can you help me hang that mirror this weekend?” “We still need to look at DJs for the wedding.” Once all these things are added to the lists, go through and prioritize them from most to least important. The likelihood that everything will get done this weekend is low, so knowing what matters most and where to start can be very helpful and reduce tension within the couple.
Tip: My husband prefers that we discuss “due dates” for to-do’s so he knows when I am expecting something to be done by.
End with Support
Ask, “What can I do next week to make you feel more supported or loved?” This is one of Gottman’s favorite questions and helps reinforce the bond between you and your partner. End with a HUG. Good job you two!
Why It Works
By taking the time to intentionally align with your partner on a weekly basis, you’re reinforcing your emotional connection and preventing small issues from becoming big conflicts. Gottman’s research shows that couples who communicate regularly are more satisfied and experience less resentment than those who don’t. It’s all about staying in tune with one another and being proactive instead of reactive.
Give the Saturday Sync a try—it’s a simple habit that can make a world of difference. With just a bit of planning and intentionality, you’ll find yourselves more connected and less overwhelmed, ready to face the week as a team.
Gottman, J. (2021). How to Have a State of the Union Meeting. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from Gottman.com (The Gottman Institute)
Njah, M. (2021). 5 Weekly Relationship Check-In Questions Inspired by Gottman. Meriam Njah Therapy Blog. Retrieved from MeriamNjah.com (Meriam Njah)
The Heart of the Matter Counseling. The Importance of a Weekly Check-in for Couples. The Heart of the Matter Counseling. Retrieved from theheartofthemattercounseling.com(The Heart of the Matter Counseling)
Practical Intimacy. This 5min Relationship Check-In Will Transform Your Marriage. Practical Intimacy Blog. Retrieved from practicalintimacy.com (Practical Intimacy)
People Patterns. Weekly Relationship Check In Questions: The Secret to Lasting Love?. People Patterns Blog. Retrieved from mypeoplepatterns.com (Grow Great Relationships)